Tired.

I’m tired of being in pain.

I’m tired of pretending not to be in pain so others will feel more at ease.

I’m tired of explaining why I’m in pain.

I’m tired of explaining how pain works.

I’m tired of not being able to sit without pain.

I’m tired of having to do physical therapy & take meds & use ice in order to sleep.

I’m tired of taking precious time out of my day to deal with any of this.

I’m tired of people saying they feel bad for me. I don’t want sympathy. I want solutions.

I’m tired of doctors.

I’m tired of medical bureaucracy.

I’m tired of my situation being demeaned by those who don’t bother trying to understand it.

I’m tired of being depressed, because depression is the BFF of pain and they always hang out together.

I’m tired of being tired all the time, because pain is exhausting.

I’m tired of people thinking that because I can’t or shouldn’t do one particular thing that somehow it means I can’t do something else that’s totally unrelated.

I’m tired of being weak from not being able to exercise as much as I’d like.

I’m tired of thinking about pain.

I’m tired of managing pain.

I’m tired of being discriminated against because of the pain (technically classified as an invisible disability, although most people don’t understand what that means either).

I’m tired of reading stuff like this.

And I’m tired of writing about it.

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2 responses to “Tired.

  1. I understand being tired of the pain. My hat is really off to you, as you’ve been dealing with it for longer than I have. I was diagnosed with pudendal neuralgia in fall 2016 after a few months of severe and unrelenting pain. Long story short, I eventually was evaluated for pubalgia/sports hernia. I was considered a borderline case, but was offered surgery (and when I googled sports hernia, it didn’t sound like me, but then I was told that it’s quite different in women than in men, and most of what’s publicly known is about men). I had the surgery in February, and after a long recovery I’m grateful to say that the sitting/rear pain is gone. (And even the surgeon can’t say the exact mechanism by which pubalgia causes pudendal nerve pain – the surgery isn’t done near the pudendal nerve, but it’s all one big related system down there…it’s still amazing to me that it worked.) Still some front pelvic pain but nowhere in the neighborhood of the horror I was living with before the surgery. I know exactly how exhausting, demoralizing, and lonely this pain can be. I’m glad the internet allows people to connect and know you’re not the only one. I pray for relief for you!!

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