Diagnosis: Getting Better, But It Still Sucks

That’s what my OB/GYN said at the end of an emotional but helpful annual visit. “So you’re getting better, but it still sucks.” I thought she did a pretty good job summing things up.

She was proud of the progress I’ve made over the eight and a half long years since I first began seeing her after my injury from another doctor delivering my baby. I wish she had been my doctor when I was pregnant; perhaps none of this would have happened, but we’ll never know.

It was a routine exam, just an annual check-up, but every visit is a depressing reminder of my condition, and that it seems to stay the same when the world around me continues to change and grow. But she’s right – I am slowly getting better. I still liken each year of my progress to each day of a normal person’s recovery from giving birth. That means I’m approaching day nine.

Where do we go from here? I’m not sure what to try next, but my biggest priority is to get stronger. All of these years resting due to pain has taken a toll on my muscle tone, and exercise now in small doses, when not in a pain flare, feels good for a while. So that’s something.

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