It’s been two weeks since my injections and people are already just assuming I’m feeling better, so I thought I should explain. No, I’m not. It’s worse. I was warned, but not quite enough. See, I was told I might get a “flare-up,” but I’ve never felt anything quite like this.
Imagine being cooked over a fire, boiled, burned, smoldering, along with being stabbed by small knives, all at once. I wish I could say I’m exaggerating, but unfortunately that’s what this pain feels like. It’s not that way all the time, so I’m lucky in that respect, but it can come on at any point from sitting or moving too much or whatever. This is way worse than any flare-up I’d had in the past from other activities that might have exacerbated my pain. Sigh.
I was worrying about it a lot – this is scary pain – I can’t drive, I can’t sit, and I don’t know when it will get any better. The burning shooting pain is so bad it makes me shake and I nearly passed out when I tried getting in the car the other day. But the doctor wants me to wait it out and I will. Nothing else I can do.
Meanwhile, my life is definitely getting disrupted. I was to be at a conference this week – one I’ve been working on for months. I was to speak on three panels and I was looking forward to seeing a lot of colleagues and friends. Not only was it a great business opportunity, but it was an opportunity to meet like-minded people who care about a lot of important things and who want to make the world a better place. They’ll be talking about healthcare and how things need to change. I will miss being a part of that conversation, but I hope to participate online. If there’s anything I’ve learned over the past few years of dealing with pain and continued trials like these is virtual communities really can help people.
So while I feel worse, I’m also trying to be optimistic that resting and staying at home with my daughter is the best place for me to be. And I’m determined to make the best of it.